Thursday, January 19, 2006

Back into hell: I AM ME album review part II

Monkey Man back for more suffering. We in home stretch, people. Couple more songs and then we don't have to talk about Ashlee Simpson again until Monkey Man start dating and everyone go "why you take album review down" and Monkey Man type-talk "shhhhhhhhh"...

Without further typing, Monkey Man present:

I AM STILL ME: The Monkey Man Review Part the IIe

SONG 7 Burning Up
EMOTION EVOKED: 105 degrees of awesome

She burning burning burning for you. Touch her hand and she can fly. Monkey Man wonders if this supposed to be on the FANTASTIC FOUR soundtrack. Monkey Man check album to see if there song called "What am I invisble, you stretchy poof, fuck it, I'm going for the Commish", but there no such thing.

SONG 8 Catch Me When I Fall
EMOTION EVOKED: Suddenly responsible for Ashlee's Safety

She just said she could fly, but now she worried about falling. At least Ashlee thinking ahead. "Not ashamed to see me when I crawl, who's gonna catch me when I fall". Ashlee, you're fucking crawling, you no need worry about someone catching you if you fall, use your fucking head.

Sorry, Monkey Man really angry at this point. Not only she boring shit outta Monkey Man, she making demands. Fuck Ashlee Simpson.

SONG 9 I Am Me

Title track. "I am me and I'm not gonna change for anyone". Save for publicist, who really think I should be blonde this time out. Corporate Synergy, because tow-head Jessica releasing album called "I AM...UM, SHIT I KNEW THIS ONE THIS MORNING LET ME WAKE UP JOHNNY KNOXVILLE AND SEE WHAT HE THINKS I AM". This shout-out anthem to being true to who you are, sung by girl most famous for lip syncing and being someone's sister.

SONG 10 Eyes Wide Open

"Do you know how it feels to be afraid, lying there frozen with my eyes wide open?" No, Ashlee, Monkey Man no know what it like to be there lying with your eyes wide open. For God's sake, try a second draft when you write, things go so much better. Speaking of writing, how amazing is it that title of her albums AUTOBIOGRAPHY and I AM ME, but songs on it either written or co-written by someone else? Monkey Man love irony as much as he currently hate decision to review Ashlee Simpson album.

Last song!

SONG 11 Say Good-Bye
EMOTION EVOKED: Full agreement

Best song ever. Why? It last song. Monkey Man think in keeping with rest of album, this should have been the first song, as nothing else made sense so why not? Ashlee say good-bye to either abusive lover or her father.

"It's not for you to pull me from the ground, so I scream, scream cuz it hurts, your every word cuts me inside and leave me worse, there's no way back, but what if there was, you'd still be you"

Monkey Man think this song would have worked great for closing montage of last episode of Jessica Simpson/Nick Lachey show, as they break up. Or maybe, if civilization ever end, this can play over test pattern. Fact that this album debuted number one indicate that time very very near.

So, to sum up: Ashlee Simpson is the sister of someone famous and has nice boobs and a reality show. Also she has an album. Monkey Man listen to it, and realize that she totally indpendent and will steal your man and if that man not nice she totally leave him, though when she touch certain people she can fly. Flying no problem whatsoever, but she does need someone to spot her when and if she crawl.

Monkey Man final verdict: Wait until you see it in discount bin. And then no buy it then. But look for WATERWORLD toys, sometimes they there.

Peace, Monkey Man am me!


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