Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Monkey Man answer your questions

Monkey Man get some really good questions. They have words and question marks and everything, and if read out loud by dork friends they totally sound somewhat like something that maybe someone somewhere thought good question. Monkey Man thank everyone that contributed, with the exception of most of them.

Let's get to Monkey Man questions!

This from Michael. He type:

Am I first? I wanna be first? I like to be first? Wait, those last couple shouldn't have been questions. Crap, does that count? I had a different question in mind though. Oh man...

Michael, you are first. And what a way to start. Talk about stumbling towards ecstasy. Monkey Man salute you, with middle finger. And snarky Bruce Willisian half-smile. Crap, it counts, absolutely, but Monkey Man kinda wishes it hadn't. Kinda like losing cyber virginity to half-cousin. Yes, it happened, but no, it probably shouldn't have. Next question for frustrated Monkey Man.

Jonathan Moody all sorts of:

Dear Monkey Man...

Why did Variant hack in to your blog? I mean doesn't he have anything better to do with his time? Speaking of having better things to do with your time... why are you spending time on blogs? Don't you have better things to do with your time?

Variant never have anything better to do with his time. See, Variant want to be Monkey Man, and that not happen until they make NICE N' EASY in blue.

As for why Monkey Man spending time on blogs, Monkey Man realize it far too long since Monkey Man away, and Monkey Man want to talk to his public, like Michael up there, who...yeah, maybe you right, maybe Monkey Man have better things to do with his time. Next question for confused Monkey Man...

DerickA take fingers to type pad and spew:

I've always wanted to ask you what your name meant.

This excellent question, DerickA. "Monkey" latin for "strong horse", meaning monkey parents, wherever they be, see baby monkey plop out and realized just how strong a horse their baby monkey going to be. Monkey Man never met parents but from looks of it, monkey parents good judges of horse strength. Heh, but aren't we all? Aren't...we...all? As for last name, "Man", it simply family name. Monkey Man think it Jewish/Scottish. Oy vey, next question for kilt wearin' Monkey Man...

Anonymous chime in with...

Dear Monkey Man,

I have a friend who is an actor who is on a terrible television show. He is good on the show, and I tell him so-- but am I also obliged to lie and say that I like the show? I don't like to be dishonest with friends, but I fear I will hurt his feelings if he thinks I think his show sucks.


Harried and Hopeless

Well Harried and Hopeless (it take two people to write this letter, wow), Monkey Man thinks you should simply walk up to Matthew Fox and say "really? black smoke? you sure?", and then he think about it, and go "you right, guys, I don't know what they were thinking." Then he go back and explain that never in history of the stupidest show could black smoke be alive (with the exception of LAGUNA BEACH, the black smoke character that deflowers the fake blonde whore easily the best character) and they rewrite it so that it not black smoke but a big angry sailor with a giant pipe that spew smoke when he exhale all angry. Obviously the sailor mad because all these pretty people invading his island and wasting his time with flashbacks instead of making giant SOS out of burning logs. Next question for dharmafied Monkey Man...

Chris Gannon all up in the joint throwin' down this science:

Why did you spell 'first' with an 'e'? Are you reterded?

Love and Hugs

Obviously, Chris Gannon all sorts of confused. "Firste" was originally spelled "first" but had to drop the "e" when it arrived at Ellis Island. That remind Monkey Man, one time Monkey Man drop "e" when he arrive on something called "Pleasure Island" but Monkey Man keep mum on that until spanish co-ed with fake boobs show up at doorstop with adorable fake boobied baby with shocks of blue hair and buttons that turn him into kitten with tequila on breath.

Man, that go really well. You all learn something about Monkey Man and Monkey Man learn to never do that again. Ah Monkey Man just playin' y'all, keep questions coming, and until new delivery of "e" arrive Monkey Man use horse strength to spew black smoke of knowledge. Crap, that counts!

Peace, Monkey Man outty!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for answering my question, that's really cool. My question is this though -- can I tell people we're friends now since we had a back-and-forth? I e-mailed Jim Gaffigan once and after he responded, we talked a couple more times. I tell everyone he's my best friend. Are you now my second best friend?

With love, your (hopefully) second best friend,

Michael (that's totally me!)

2:32 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Will you ever settle down with anyone? That would suck.

Love, Franklin

10:00 PM


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