Monday, January 16, 2006

VARIANT SAYS "HAIL TO THE KING, BABY!"




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Ha ha! Variant has conquered Monkey Man again! Sure, I've only taken over his blog, but it's the little things, people. The little things are what's important, andk, in the case of bullets or robot spiders, what will eventually cause Monkey Man's death.

So yeah, it's Variant. Clone of Monkey Man, sworn enemy of Monkey Man, future leader of the free world. Felt I should take over the blog to send a shout to all those celebrating Martin Luthor King's birthday. I figured this would be a good way to express my gratitude and love of the man, and the fives of tens of people reading this will hopefully walk away learning something. I begin now, my favorite story about Martin Luthor King. It really lets you know what an amazing man he is.

See, just a few years ago, Martin Luthor King was president when he intercepted a bulletin about a giant kryptonite meteor headed this way. MLK of course assumed it was part of Superman's dastardly plans to destroy the earth, and sent Captain Atom, Katana, Power Girl and a few of the Outsiders to stop Superman and his "pal" Batman. MLK, so concerned with the public's safety he made a pact with Darkseid (more about him on Darkseid Day, March 12) to use a boom tube to (A) chase Superman down wherever he may be and (B) send the comet far far away.

Anyhoo, Superman posed as Shazam and Batman posed as Hawkman and they sent Captain Atom into space in a giant Superman/Batman robot and Power Girl was all "why would that little guy like me" and it's obvious because she has big boobs and Captain Atom exploded sending him to a stupider universe and Superman and Batman told the public that Martin Luthor King was working with Darkseid and for some reason the public was like "not on my watch" and Luthor King was arrested but got away and he's gonna start a crisis so really he wins.

So today, raise a glass to Martin Luthor King. An underappreciated man, that's for sure. He may not have destroyed Superman (yet) but he DID kill Lois Lane until Superman cheated and spun around the world turning back time which totally shouldn't have worked but it did.

Here's to you, Martin Luthor King! Enjoy your crisis, you've earned it!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled retardedness.

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