Wednesday, February 01, 2006

A Special Note to the guy in line at Golden Apple

Brian Lynch here. This is going out to the pasty four eyed gentleman that was in front of me in line at the Golden Apple on Melrose between the time of 4:45 and 5:15.

Dear Sir,

UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION did not rule. Nor did UNDERWORLD. It was not "dumb campy fun". It WAS dumb, to be sure, but it took itself far too seriously to be "campy" and was far too long and incoherent to be "fun". It did not have "decent f/x", but if it did, that would NOT be a reason to like a movie, unless you were 11 years old or George Lucas.

You seemed really excited about the fact that Kate Beckinsale was in a tight black leather (your word, not mine, I truly believe in my heart of hearts that it was vinyl), and that's great. Your enjoyment of the black "leather" was clear, and your description of how great she looked was truly the only thing out of your chapped lips that didn't have that tinge of self-doubt, which let me know that deep, deep down the normal person in you is screaming "holy shit, I'm singing the praises of a god-awful vampire movie in the middle of a comic store".

I hope that normal person in you makes an appearance soon. I hope your inner average joe busts out of that pasty cocoon as a full-fledged social butterfly, I truly do. Nurture him, nerdlinger. THE FORTY YEAR OLD VIRGIN wasn't just a movie, it was a warning.

To recap: UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION sucked. Not like GREEN LANTERN this week, which absolutely ruled. When Mongol ripped his sister's head off I nearly shit myself.

With love,

Brian Lynch

PS: to the guy he was talking to. REVENGE OF THE SITH was not the best movie of the year. But you might have been saying that in mocking jest. I mean, you'd almost have to be.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

"THE FORTY YEAR OLD VIRGIN wasn't just a movie, it was a warning."
That made me laugh up sometihng fierce.

Worry though that you're validating him with this blog. Not validation that he was right, but validation that his words were worth listening to because you wrote about them.

7:21 PM

Anonymous The Voice of Reason said...

It was no Scary Movie 3, that's for sure.

4:35 AM

Blogger Monkey Man's Blog said...

You do know that I don't like SCARY MOVIE 3, right? Kisses!

Love, Brian

8:58 AM


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